OK, be thou warned. This is not a typical City Songbird post.
Frankly, the hormones are taking over the head today, and I'm a bit surprised myself at the outcome, but...
Today I want a baby.
Of course, it has
and this...
and this...
heh. OK, maybe not the last one. Gotta admit it's catchy, though.
Baby, baby, baby, oh... I'm like baby, baby, baby... Oh, excuse me. er... Where was I?
Oh yes, babies. I've been through all this before, of course. I had a (rather superficial) longing for a little one a few years ago when I was still in school and absolutely not allowed to get pregnant. (Yes, I was married then, but just had to finish school first!) At that point I think it was more the You Always Want What You Can't Have theory working overtime on me. I eventually got over it and realized that life with my hubby minus kiddos was actually pretty great, and that I likely wouldn't get this set-up back for 25 or so years once we start being "productive." So I eased back into my contented self and enjoyed the last couple of years tremendously. Till this summer when, with more gravity and depth, it hit me again.
Baby, baby, baby, oh... I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh...
Gosh darn it! Does anyone have a cure for getting this dang song outta my head?!
Maybe it's simply my "reproductive clock" ticking a little more loudly, like the closing in of a great alligator. (Yes, that would make me Captain Hook. Makes sense, contextually, I believe.) Maybe it's the discovery that there is a lot of cute "Enchanted Forest" nursery decor to be had. Maybe it's the fact that everyone and their mother seems to have a baby. Whatever it is, it's got a good grip on my heart strings and is not letting go. Of course, there are still a lot of difficult dreadful questions looming in the recesses (and, believe me, there are plenty of recesses) of my mind. Questions like,
What will happen to my music career when I'm needed 24/7 by another, totally dependent, human being?
Isn't raising a person kinda expensive?
Will I be able to fit into the bridesmaid dress for my best friend's wedding next Spring?
What kind of education would be best for him/her?
How will I discipline the child if when he/she is really naughty?
How do I prevent passing on certain... hm... "undesirable" traits? Like perfectionism, for instance.
What if he/she grows up to despise his/her father and I or - worse - Jesus?
Will I even be able to get pregnant / carry a child to full term?
If I am, where the heck will we put the dang baby???
Very moving questions. Questions for which I have no answers. Questions which I'm told every mother-to-be worries over and eventually figures out without so much as breaking a sweat... Well, OK, maybe one or two. Still, not an easy pill to swallow. Much harder than the one that kept me out of this whole mess to begin with.
Who knows to what end this battle raging in my mind will bring me. Whatever it is, at least I'll have a good fight song to get me through it...
Baby, baby, baby, oh... I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh... I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh...
I thought you'd always be mine. Mi-i-ine.
I thought you'd always be mine. Mi-i-ine.
Ohhh Carrie. :) You'll be a GREAT mom when the time comes. And life will change, but all of those little details will somehow work out. They just do. :)
ReplyDeleteActually, if you think about it, everybody's mother does have a baby.
ReplyDeleteThat's still no excuse for enabling Das Ohuwurm to electronically propagate itself.
I'm expecting now and I still don't have answers to most of those questions. I think getting pregnant is one of those things you finally just have to jump in and DO because if you wait till you have it figured out... yeah.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'm from Chicago and miss it, hopefully when I'm in town next (after the baby?) I can come catch a show :)
LOL I've got two of them and are still asking about half of those questions!
ReplyDeleteIt's been said that there is never a good time to have a baby---if you are waiting for the perfect time, you'll never have one!! However, your earlier instincts are correct that life with your hubby and no kids is a wonderful thing that is definitely lost when you start to have kids.
You'll be a great mom when the time comes, and if you need tips on squeezing kids into a tiny space or raising them cheap, I've become a pro at it!
Eric, I'm glad you caught my joke. ;) Did you catch the perfectionist one?
ReplyDeleteThank you, ladies, for your sweet encouragement!
Rach, you're one of the best!
Heather, I hope you *can* catch a show (and bring the baby, too!).
And Jaymi, I'll definitely need advice on tiny-space-babies. :)
haha wow I hope Linnea doesn't read this anytime soon... :)
ReplyDeleteThe pitter patter of little Pazdziora's is a joyful thought. :)
ReplyDeleteWhere will you put them? Well, they can sleep in your guitar case, of course! While we're out gigging, that is!
ReplyDelete